Notes ·
2025: Finding my way back to myself
A year of illness, travel, relationships, and shared living taught me that love takes more than one form, and that home can be a group of people.
I think I am a forgetful person. Unhappy experiences fade quickly, but happy moments do not always stay with me either. Whenever I look back on a year, I have to turn to my photos. Taking pictures is more than a habit for me. It is a way of holding on to things I might otherwise lose.
What I remember
There was plenty to remember in 2025: catching up with old friends, finally attending a debate I had wanted to see, getting quite seriously ill, and taking a rare trip with my family. My health put some plans out of reach. Other things, including some relationships, carried on through the ordinary routines of daily life.
Finding my way back
I also met someone I really liked. Her courage, sincerity, and willingness to share her life with me drew me in. For the first time, I invested a great deal of time and emotion in a relationship. As disagreements emerged, I gradually came to see that we were not right for each other. Eventually, I found my way back to myself.
There was no fairy-tale ending, but the experience gave me some very specific questions to consider. What sort of person am I drawn to? What are my principles and limits in a relationship? Which of my ideas about love had been unrealistic? Romantic love matters, but it is not the only thing in life worth wanting or having. I still have my friends and family, and I need sources of support beyond a romantic relationship.
The people who feel like home
Another important discovery came from living alongside others. Once, a small oversight nearly stopped me from getting out on time. After one phone call, someone immediately turned back to pick me up. It struck me then that the warmth of a community does not depend on nobody ever making a mistake. It comes from someone else stepping in, almost without thinking, when one of us slips up.
With these people, I do not have to keep up appearances all the time. I am willing to trust them and do things for them, without keeping a precise account of who has gained or given more. I began to feel that home could be more than the place I came from. It could also be the people with whom I feel safe being myself.
I still believe in love. This year, I began to understand how many forms it can take.